So gone

It hurt. So bad.

But her head pounded. She couldn’t remember what she was supposed to be doing, everything was a daze. She had lost something, and feeling of loss was so immense she couldn’t breathe.

She did her thing. Went to the ladies room to fix herself. Could she ever fix herself she wondered. Wasn’t he the one who fixed her? Didn’t she trust him enough to show him her fears? When she felt 5 instead of 25 and was facing fears she couldn’t understand.

She ran into the bathroom stall and clutched the wall as she cried. All she could mutter was “I love you”, like it was some prayer that would save her from the pain.

She applied Kajal. Her eyes had lost their sheen. But she shouldn’t let her pain stop her. It did, but she shouldn’t. Ideally.

She stepped out like a drunken man with dutch courage. I’ll be all right, she told herself.

She didn’t believe the lie.

~ by tia on March 18, 2009.