Off through the new day’s mist I run

The fall out of anything is in the pieces. In the ashes. In the dust. In the carnage.

I found myself in the wreck. Did I find God? maybe I did.

Yesterday had weird turn of events. I experienced something I wish many women don’t. Maybe they do. Thousands of them. And I was confused with one of them. Mind blasting!

That experience has made me run. Run like a mad dog was chasing me. It has made me strong yet… The poison administered was very bitter.

That and the fact that I was ill last night made me think about my life. I wasn’t sure I would survive the night. I had too many different drinks and they reacted. Also I was crying for one hr and pushing my bike on MG Road and fixing a flat for 2 hrs, which added to the exhaustion and dehydration.

I had turned into a complete junkie.  I was running away from so many things. If only I weren’t scared of breaking the ceiling fan I would have hung myself in shame of last night’s events. And maybe this life isn’t meant for me… Maybe I should really join the church. Or an ashram. Where ever there are clean toilets! Hmm.. an inappropriate joke.

So I sat all night trying to throw up the fatal combo of vodka, kahlua, strawberry and what not. Also to throw up the bitter taste of the trauma. Well the three finger exercise did help in regurgitating the food but not my shame. I prayed that if I survived last night I would never touch alcohol again. And I intend to stick to it.

And thus I sit this morning, not sure which way to go.

Do I join the church?

Do I join an ashram?

Do I make other cosmetic changes like 1. Wearing only salwars 2. Never leave home – it would be a bermuda triangle of Home, Office and classes

As a first step, I am closing this blog. This will be my last post. I know I love w(h)ine, but not this much!

I maybe around. Like a lost poltergeist. You may find me. Look in the parlour.

I’d like to thank the following people for being a part of my journey. Guitar dude, Big N (Baby, I told you I’d be all right), Vee (for trying to put some sense into my head), Harish (you almost saved me from that guy), Anoop (the supposed pavam! thanks buddy for all those flowers. And thanks for being someone I can count on), Chackochi (for blasting me everytime I get drunk), Jas (for the talks which start with a pained look of disgust – Tia what do you wanna do? What do you want to achieve?), Phoenikhs (for helping me feel good about myself), Tys (for the long fatherly talks on life. You’ll make the coolest dad for Riyah and Rishi),  Sandeep (for reading my blog!) and my life long blog soulmates – Ancientmariner and Saphire.

A final thought:

and the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
Under wandering stars Ive grown
By myself but not alone
I ask no one

…and my ties are severed clean
The less I have the more I gain
Off the beaten path I reign

– Metallica, Where ever I may roam

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~ by tia on March 22, 2009.

13 Responses to “Off through the new day’s mist I run”

  1. okay… first i am angry that you got drunk
    second… you will call me and tell me all that happened
    third.. YOU WILL KEEP WRITING HERE.

    fourth…. we are friends aren’t we?

  2. oye…what happened..

  3. hold on to my number..im a pretty decent listener with a lot of time on my hands .. 🙂

  4. *Devil
    Devil??
    I am so sorry baby…I have decided not to drink anymore.
    I told u last night all that happaned
    Heh heh
    Fourth: I love u! Does that answer ur question??

    *Ancientmariner
    Will explain…catch u on chat sometime.

    *Saphire
    Holding on tight girl! When u back to the old office?

  5. aww.. terrible…

    you got to move on dear.. You got to do something out of the norm (not drinking.. not cocktail of dope either) to get away from the vicious circle of marriage-boyfriend-relationship-i’m single OMG feeling..
    Joining an ashram or a church wouldn’t help you achieve that. Trust me, i’ve had those thoughts 😀
    hope to catch you on chat some time..

  6. *Sandeep
    I know. Damn vicious circle! I mean I am the coolest chick this side of town (that would be Bangalore East!), why the hell am I acting like an idiot? I have so much to give and achieve.
    At first, I was petrified… *laughs*

  7. Whats wrong with you? I guess you r thinkg too much. As soon as I read this… tried to reach you… But you dint answer.

  8. I’ll be around the corner! Until then…

  9. Devil… Dev…
    you have found any comments on your blog by these names.. its has been me… idiot…

  10. what the fuck?! where your going and wht happened?…man, leave this place for a while and everything falls apart…u take care of urself…

  11. mail me ur number.,.

  12. I dont know you enough to give an advice..and probably you dont even need one…but just wanted to tell you that if you felt guilty about thinking how you are turning out to be..well i must say you are on the right side coz you still want to get on with life!! I dont want to say cheer up just for the sake of it…but i guess whenever a person is in the deepest emotional labyrinth hold on to your good friends and your parents…they would always get back to your usual self and guide you..sorry for sounding preachy…have a good time ahead!

  13. haha. some how stumbled upon this blog when i was searching abt some foodie stuffs in blore. girl, u got the knack to make words tickle and lie. appreciate the style and look of those letters.
    and this escape u are so desiring and contemplating… let me tell u as an old wandering wind. there is no way u could have taken a different decision in life than the one u already took.
    so go, roam around and come back.
    maybe we will meet again somewhere in these dark alleys of cyberspace.
    gud luck hun.

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