Who stole the cookies…

Hold on little girl
Show me what he’s done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can’t be that bad
– To be with you, Mr.Big

It’s such a crazy world out there huh…
I mean how do you know who’s your friend, who’s your enemy? Whom do you trust?

I mean the other day a friend of mine brought me a bunch of white roses (because he got the white lilies wrong!), maybe because he was thought he should finish with his good deed for the day or he wanted to win the dare of ‘who will impress the marketing bitch’, BUT that was such a sweet gesture.

I still only trust two people at office (oh I DO have trust issues!) – my mentor and my boss. And I keep wondering – what if my mentor or my boss were to let me down? Oh I wouldn’t just sit around and lament that after all the sifting and choosing I chose the the wrong people and therefore it is my karma. Screw karma. Humans are humans.

But I wouldn’t judge them either. Humans are humans. And I wouldn’t stop trusting the rest of the selected few either because of the ones that let me down. I mean yeah it takes me a long time to trust anyone but…

My policy of disclosure is this: Whatever I disclose will be stuff I know I will stand by. Be it the fact that i used to smoke in college or anything termed ‘bad’. So if anyone came and said ‘Ushooooo you smoked cigarettes in college?? OMG! don’t tell men about it they think you are easy.’ Well if they think that women that smoke are easy then they haven’t had their lives made miserable by my sarcastic comments and meanness. I used to be so mean at one time, i have made some of my classmates cry. And of course since it was a girls school there were these rosy eyed sensitive girls who couldnt handle the sarcasm. I must say I have really toned down the meanness.

And what is the right response to anything? Is there any right response to anything? Like when the roses were presented to me, I could barely manage a smile because all the fears came screeching back. It’s not like I can’t handle anyone getting fresh with me, but I am actually tired of all this ‘goodness’ – all the smiles, the love, the affection, the romance. Why the hell cant people be unhappy and depressed? Why must everyone be so happy and positive?

It’s so opressive.

I’m only happy when it rains
I’m only happy when it’s complicated
And though I know you can’t appreciate it
I’m only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad
I’m only happy when it rains
Pour your misery down on me
-‘Only Happy when it rains’, Garbage


~ by tia on January 15, 2009.

5 Responses to “Who stole the cookies…”

  1. You’re so powerful – you’ve gone and gotten TWO songs stuck in my head this morning.

    Thanks 🙂 hehe

  2. **I am actually tired of all this ‘goodness’ – all the smiles, the love, the affection, the romance. Why the hell cant people be unhappy and depressed? Why must everyone be so happy and positive?

    I agree with ya totally! ppl r so fake..thats why!

    Im known to be quite positive and chirpy all the time. So, the moment I write a depressing post, most ppl say THIS IS NOT THE KESHI WE KNOW! What they forget is that Im not a machine…I can be as sad as I can be happy…cos Im only human!

  3. *Poeticgrin
    Heh heh…I love those songs, esp the Mr Big song!

    I know! I mean the fact that Jim carrey used to be depressed was such an eye opener for me…I’d like to attribute it to the sunsgigns!

  4. lol, the college bully Tia. Smoking Cigs, and making girls cry. The college outlaw, the one everyone voted as “Most likely to be a criminal”, big bad Sushie!!!


    Life is a repetition of cycles. People are happy, depressed, in love, in hatred, in awe, etc in a repetitive manner. The good times (such as love, happiness, and awe) are expressed more freely than depression and hatred because love and happiness are accepted as good things. Most people when they are depressed, hide it from public knowledge, thus you don’t see it as much. Thats the reason why most people you meet seem to be happy, because the ones that are depressed hide it from you.

    I know I’m stealing this from an old mallu song, but it kinda stuck in my head all these years, it basically translates out to this….

    “In a shower of tears, I hid under the umbrella of a smile”

    Onto the other things? How does smoking cigs make men think you are easy? If that was ever true, can you imagine the free cigs guys would hand out at college?

    • Al!!!I don’t even remember that mal song! which one is it?
      Hmm see India hasn’t completely welcomed the changes in the world – smoking by a woman is still not completely accepted.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: