The tunnel

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” – George Orwell

A relationship is like going through a tunnel. You are surrounded by fear, confusion and indecision. At the end of the tunnel is the happy part – the acceptance, the love, etc.

I was sitting and thinking – why do we look for a relationship? Having had my share of heartache and feelings of inadequacy, why in hell would i attempt a sadistic pursuit of a relationship? And then I realized – I crave acceptance. Like a bad physiological withdrawal symptom. I have never been completely accepted in any of my life environments (Unconditional love comes from acceptance and understanding) – school, college, home and work. So far I have been okay with not being completely accepted at work…being the freak (M gives me the strength to not care about the people who don’t think I am anything – good or bad). And THAT (the strength he gives me) is the little lights on the roof of the tunnel.

But what is the tunnel made of – Confusion (Is he the right one?), Fear (Does he love me still? Will he love me when he sees me with glasses? Will he love me even after 10 years?), Awareness of the negatives (I might have to support him because he is pursuing his dream. Why is it negative? Because I always thought that so far my life has sucked (in a macro level) and after marriage my life would be a bit better. Everybody gives you gyan like “Happiness come from within you” but I’d like to add a sub clause: It also comes from circumstances and people around you. And me supporting him would be an acceptance of a reversed tradition and the fact that I just can’t catch a break!), the fact that there are many dreams I would have to let go.

I kept wondering – Why should I chose him and not…him 2? or him 3? And I realized, him/M is the only one who has accepted me. Every other relationship has had an element of pain as a reaction to what I am or who I am. But M……

I am not saying that he will never hurt me. There is a possibility of that happening too.

Wait a minute. This relationship is barely a month old!
It feels like we have known each other forever…

Know what is great? When my whole world is falling apart, all I need to do is see him and be in his arms and I have the strength to handle anything that life and work throws at me.


~ by tia on October 9, 2008.

7 Responses to “The tunnel”

  1. 🙂

  2. *Anoop
    I know what you want to say – Take some more time…

  3. you are an enigma!!

  4. LOL, “M”, miss 007 here.

    Well nothing can be perfect, I don’t think anyone has complete security in a relationship, but what makes a relationship is that the people involved are willing to take that risk for the other person.

    Your weekly word of wisdom, brought to you by……………..ME.

  5. Hey!
    Was nice meeting you 🙂
    Will be back.

  6. *Ancientmariner
    I know 😛

    Honey I miss you 😦 Ping me when you log in

    Was nice meeting you too!

  7. long time no see… btw, contentment comes from within, happiness is a concept, fleeting, momentary…its a byproduct. You are accepted when u accept urself…

    now u can just call me tysji and start a foundation and get rich

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