Hello..is it me you’re looking for?

My friend made an astute observation – that in most of my photographs, at least the ones on Orkut, I seem to be holding on to something. And I realized that I seem to be eternally holding on to something..or someone..or some memory. I guess I am scared to not hold on…scared i’ll lose myself if I didn’t anchor myself in some way.

There are so many things I have wanted to do. I think I still want to. Sometimes I know I can do it. But I don’t. It’s like as Dido says – I’ve always thought / that I would love to live by the sea / To travel the world alone / and live more simply / I have no idea what’s happened to that dream / Cos there’s really nothing left here to stop me…

And now I am not sure what I really wanna do. When I had the impulse I didn’t take it – I was scared of the fight and of the consequences. Now I am trying to find reasons to justify my actions – my acts of omission.

In chennai on an impulse I bought a CD called – Truly, Love Songs by Lionel Richie. And there’s a song in it called Hello. And I went back in time. And pulled myself out of it but I really couldn’t. Because (to echo T S Eliot) our future is seeded in our past. We find our bearings and our way of relating to circumstances from our past and our past experiences..from its lessons.

And my memories and its ghosts and phantoms keep coming back to ask me – Hello, is it me you’re looking for? Quite a black parade.

And men – That is not an appropriate pick up line: Hello, is it me you’re looking for. Please do not try it!

P.s: Listen to Lionel Richie’s 1. Angel 2. Don’t Wanna Lose you 3. Do it to me  4.Three times a lady

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~ by tia on May 1, 2008.

2 Responses to “Hello..is it me you’re looking for?”

  1. Holdg someone??????????????????????????????????

  2. *CM Chap
    Not literally!!

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