Hum jo chalne lage

I can’t understand this. Where am I?

Okay what am I feeling? Mmmm…a bit of pain, cos I miss someone. But a bit happy! Cos it’s raining!

Rain, feel it on my finger tips
Hear it on my window pane
Your love’s coming down like
Rain, wash away my sorrow
Take away my pain
Your love’s coming down like rain

When you looked into my eyes
And you said goodbye could you see my tears
When I turned the other way
Did you hear me say
I’d wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky
You promised me when you said goodbye
That you’d return when the storm was done
And now I’ll wait for the light, I’ll wait for the sun

— Madonna, Rain

I admit this is not a familiar place. Cos it’s not undiluted joy. Nor is it undiluted sorrow. What is it??

I can’t figure.

Actually, when I feel sorrow, I hate it. When I feel joy, I am scared.

Maybe I should try to resuscitate old dreams and hopes. The dashed which I stepped on and hurt my feet…Nah, don’t feel like it. Sand castles cannot be saved.  So I can’t live on dreams, I can’t live in my past (because I decided not to) nor can I live on substances.

I admit I did like the two drinks I had last night. I love Pina Coladas and Long Island Iced Teas. Maybe a Margarita once in a while. Or a Bloody Mary or a Sex on the Beach.

Funny, I don’t know how to proceed.

You know, I could just play Gloria Gaynor’s I will survive mp3 and sing with it *chuckle*. But that’s too geeky.

Or I could try to get lost in a book. A temporary high due to philosophy..but what good is it when you have tasted reality? You can’t fool yourself anymore.

I am reading Rubbaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

And let these be my last words for this post:

Come fill the cup and in the fire of Spring

The Winter garment of Repentance fling:

The Bird of Time has but a little way.

To fly – and Lo! the Bird is on the Wing

– The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam

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~ by tia on March 15, 2008.

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